Happy Valentine's Day!

I am so sorry for the lack of blogging and updates. The Internet has been down on the compound for 10 days now so my only option is to go into town to use the Internet cafes where I have to pay by the minute. My main priority during those times is to inform my family that I'm still alive and well and update my facebook status, of course.

But now, I'm prepared to spend a little bit of money to inform you all of what's been going on during the last few weeks.

Our work with the Shimo girls is going great. They are an absolute joy to be around and their work ethic is phenomenal. They are making up to five bags each time they meet with us and that is more than we expected, which is incredible! They have improved so much and I can tell they are proud of what they are accomplishing. I only wish I could have more time with them.

Happy Valentine's Day! This morning I made french toast for the guys and was surprised with a bouquet of roses. It was much more than I expected and I was very thankful. As I was sitting outside on the patio, I remembered where I was this time last year. It was the lowest point in my life. I was saddened by the thought at first but then I recalled how much has changed since then. I am no longer at a low point. I am in an extremely happy time in my life! I am surrounded by incredible people who care about me as much as I care about them. I am doing what my heart loves to do and I am following God's will for my life! Could I really ask for a better way to celebrate today? Nope!

One of the highlights of my week is going to HBF every Saturday. Last week I had to opportunity to go with some of the children to the hospital for some routine check ups. Lillian and Lyna were due for an HIV test, Patrick's nose was hurting him and Valentine needed to have her eye checked on following a surgery she had on it a few months ago. Mark (a Kenyan that lives on the compound and works for TI) went with Patrick and Valentine and I took Lillian and Lyna with me to the HIV section. The hospital is a strange place. On a large board hanging on the outside wall it lists the services the hospital provides, how much it will cost and how long you will have to wait. For one service the waiting time was 30 minutes - two weeks. Yikes. The lines are long... very long. I waited with Lillian and Lyna as long as I could until I had to leave to meet with the Shimo girls at 1. They had an auntie with them so I wasn't leaving them alone. Mark did not get back to the compound until around 5:00 that evening. It is a whole day event. It was hard sitting in the waiting area. Although I relished the time I got to spend with the girls alone, without 20 other children running around, I wish it could have been better circumstances. The girls rested their heads on me and held my hands as we waited with about 40 others, all most likely HIV positive. It was an odd feeling, being surrounded by men, women and children with a fatal, incurable disease. With my hands on the girls, I prayed for healing for Lillian and for Lyna's miracle to continue. Lyna was HIV positive when TI first brought her into the children's home. A little while later, tests revealed she was HIV negative. An impossible occurrence by anything other than God's power. I have not heard what the results of either test were, but I have faith that God will continue to do amazing works in these children.

I wish I could fully explain how incredible it has been having Faith here with me. We have been meeting every other day and studying the book of John, as well as going through Exodus with the whole group. Her wisdom and encouragement have been more than I could ever ask for and I am truly thankful to God for putting her in my life.

Tonight, I'm leaving Kitale on the night bus to Nairobi. From there I'll get on another bus and be on my way to Meru. After spending the night in Meru, I'll leave early in the morning for Tharaka. In a small, hillside village in central Kenya I'll get to meet Jackson, a six year old boy I've been sponsoring through Compassion International for the past year and a half. It was through Jackson that God initially placed Kenya on my heart. I am overjoyed to finally meet this little boy who changed my life.

I have become more aware of what God has planned for me since arriving in Kenya. I realize that my goals and dreams are not the same as most of my friends. I understand now that my life will not look like I had originally thought it would. It was a surprise to me when my thought process brought me to a place I had never expected. Of course, I am living my life one day at a time and would never try to get ahead of God. I am just now beginning to hear answers to some of my prayers. Although I do not know the ultimate plan of God's will, I am ready to take the next step on my journey. I have no plans of my own, which leaves plenty of room for Him to work and I am more than willing to let Him. My life will not be the life I had wanted for myself when I was in high school and someone asked me "where do you see yourself in ten years?" It will be better. Much better. I am living for Jesus now.

Slightly scattered blog...

Today was our first time meeting with the Shimo girls. It was great to see them again and they all looked excited to see me too. I wished I could have spent more time with them on my internship but my mind was other places. I'm just glad that I have another opportunity to get to know them. They have been making cards for a few months now so Faith and I thought we would change it up a little. We taught them how to make bags.... and instead of trying to explain what they look like, I'll just upload a picture of them in the next couple of days. The girls really seemed to enjoy it and they surprised me quite a bit with how skilled and creative they were. I'm really looking forward to spending time with these girls and building relationships with them.

I was on Facebook earlier and noticed that there are a lot of status updates about how cold it is back home. I had to laugh. Today was hot! This is the kind of weather I always imagined Africa having. I remember being shocked when I had to wear sweatshirts when I came in July and how cold it would get in the evenings when I was here this past fall. Our coldest months in America are the warmest months here and vice versa. But the nice thing is, although it can get pretty warm it's never the kind of heat that we can get in the States. It's not humid or sticky. It's just very warm. You can easily sit outside and read a book without dripping sweat. It's actually kind of perfect. And the evenings are unbelievable.

We sat outside and ate dinner in the gazebo tonight. There's only eight of us here now, not including the Kenyans that also live on the compound. It's a lot different than before when there were at least sixteen people living here at all times. I must say that although I loved every single person that was here during the internship program, I enjoy the smaller group.

I've grown a lot since going home and coming back. I can see that now. I think differently about situations. I feel differently about people. My relationship with God is different. A lot of things are different. Most importantly though, at least in my opinion, is that I now have a clear view of what's important. I'm no longer distracted by the things that once caught my attention. I see flaws in my previous thoughts and am now able to focus on what Jesus wants for me, not what I want for myself. Praise God for that.

I'll upload pictures soon..... as soon as I take some.

Psalm 68: 4:5

There's some things that you get used to after traveling to Kenya a few times. For instance, zebras on the side of the road are about as exciting as seeing deer in Valley Forge Park. But some things never stop amazing me. The sky, the mountains, the children... these things seem to become more and more beautiful each time I look at them.

I love it here. I feel like I'm home again.

I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that in a few days I'll be in Kenya for the third time in less than seven months. Things like traveling to Africa are supposed to be "once in a lifetime," yet I am continually blessed by God to do things that most people only dream about. I am so full of thanks and praise for what He has given me!

Kenya has been, is and will always be an adventure and a place that is very heavily on my heart. Through Kenya, the Lord completely and totally transformed my life! God revealed to me community, friendship, respect, forgiveness and acceptance in the body of Christ. I fell more deeply in love with Him every time I saw the beauty of His creation in this broken country.

Going back to Kenya feels like the natural progression of my life. As soon as the opportunity to return was brought to my attention, I wondered how I could have ever thought I would be doing anything other than that at this time. Nothing else made sense anymore. All I could imagine was being back in Africa.

I love how much Jesus has taught me in the past seven months and I am so incredibly excited to find out what He has planned for me in the next six weeks.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

John 16:33

Isn't our Lord amazing?

Glory.

I know people, quite a few people actually, who's entire lives must be known to as many people as they can possibly tell for them to feel worthy. They feel important and loved when and only when others tell them that they are important and loved. In order to get that feedback they first need to share with others all that they are doing, all that they have accomplished and exactly how they feel about everything and anything that is going on in their lives.

People like this exhaust me.

Forgive my honesty, but I have a difficult time listening to people who insist on telling me how wonderful they are all the time! I listen to them but rarely ever do I respond to their unspoken pleading for affirmation. I would be lying to them.

I've thought about this a lot recently, trying to figure out why it bothers me so much. I came to understand that when people who do not know Christ act this way, they are usually trying to feel the love that only Jesus can provide in meaningless relationships, awards, grades, promotions, etc. In that case, I know I need to do my part and love them the best that I can and hope to show them even a fraction of the amount of love that He can give.

But when believers act this way, it hits a different nerve.

The habit of self-glorification takes away from the One who rightfully deserves the glory. When people brag about themselves and all that they have done in the church, ministry, mission field or any other place in the Kingdom, where can God show Himself? Who are you really working for? You should be serving Jesus not your ego.

I know someone who did something incredible that benefited hundreds of people, gave hope to suffering children and quite possibly changed lives. When I talked to them about it, they confidently told me "This isn't my project. It's God's." What an awesome understanding of God's glory! More people need to realize how important it is to give the honor to it's rightful owner. I LOVE listening to people talk about what God has done in their lives! I could listen to stories of God's grace, mercy and miracles all day and never get tired of it because they are telling me the incredible works of my Father, best friend and Savior.

I am constantly reminding myself that nothing is accomplished apart from God. Even the smallest of things, such as not being charged anything to have my computer fixed by the Geek Squad at BestBuy, happen because of Him. Of course there are bigger things that He has accomplished in my life but I enjoy finding Him in the small things. It shows me how much He cares which makes me love Him that much more. He knew that I didn't have $70-$200 to spend but also that I needed my computer to function so He brings me to probably the one guy in the whole Geek Squad that would ignore the charges and do everything for free. Never doubt that God is in the small stuff! But especially for the big things, give our God the glory that He alone deserves!

"When you value God for who He is, it causes a response in Him; It releases Him to be all that He is to you."

2009

Without a doubt, 2009 was the craziest year of my life.

I started the year in New York. Freezing. Overwhelmed. Sick with strep throat and struggling with feelings about a relationship. A bar in Brooklyn, surrounded by outrageously drunk 20-somethings and few overweight, balding middle aged men is where I rung in the new year. The night consisted of a kiss a midnight, an hour or two spent standing alone in the corner, a questionable taxi driver and an air mattress in an empty room with no heat. I'm not making it sound very fun but all in all I guess it wasn't so bad. I spent time with people I cared about and experienced New Years Eve in New York City (something you'd probably have to pay me to do again).

My fourth, and what would end up being my last, semester at Kutztown University began in the middle of January. Other things began as well... A relationship. A bad habit that progressively got worse. And an unfortunate total and complete inability to hold on to any part of who I was in Christ.

I knew it, too. I knew there were only fragments of my old self left in the new, out of control version of me. I was making decisions based solely on what I wanted at that very moment. Sometimes, it felt like I had no part in the decisions at all and someone else was making them for me. I allowed myself to be manipulated, controlled, abused and used. And in return, I manipulated, controlled, abused and used others. I was the source of more than one person's pain. The worst part was, I was not learning from my mistakes and I continued to repeat them.

To be completely honest, I was a very selfish and downright cruel person for the first few months of this year.

I never meant to hurt anyone. Deep down I knew I was still a kind, loving, caring person. But I was so far gone at this point that I barely even cared. I was no longer convicted by my actions. I had completely turned from Jesus. But still, through it all, God saved my life. He protected me from terrible things that should have happened to me and I thank Him every day for that. Also, I thank Him for doing what it took to turn me back to Him. Extreme as it was, it was what I needed.

As I write this now, I wonder what people are thinking. Do you think I'm exaggerating? That I probably wasn't that bad? Everyone makes mistakes, right? Are people questioning how sincere my return to Jesus is? Maybe I'm just on a quick "spiritual high" because I went to Africa and held orphans?

Then I remember... I truly don't care if people doubt the sincerity of my love for Jesus. I know it's real. God knows it's real. What else really matters?

I went from being the absolute worst version of myself to the best in one year. I was empty and now I'm filled. Lost and now found. Darkness and now light. I've been transformed. Most of you won't understand that because you either did not know me then or you do not know me now, but that's okay. God saw it all. He knows me and my past and still loves me completely and what more can I ask for?

One thing is for sure... I am very much looking forward to starting off 2010 the right way!

Happy New Year, everyone! :)


"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, they are a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" - 2 Corinthians 5:17